5 Reasons We Fail to Meet our Goals

Belize once said, “remove the stone and you won’t stumble.” I’ve been thinking about the stones that I keep stumbling over. Each and every time I really get behind an idea and go for it, I somehow get sidetracked and lose my momentum. Why is that? I think I’ve identified some of the main culprits.

1. Unrealistic expectations: Often we expect goals to happen the moment we set them. Or, we expect to instantly expect to be a new person after taking the first step in the right direction.

2. Dependent upon emotion: People are emotional. When a new idea is adoptive it has a strong emotional pull. Especially if the person see the idea as a solution to a problem that was depressing them. I think most people pull themselves out of a holiday funk by making New Year resolutions. But, those decisions are emotional and once the excitement wears off and reality sets in the resolutions are dropped.

3. Overwhelmed by commitment: In an article on goal setting, Steve Pavlina talks about people’s perception of time and how goals that do not immediately reward actions becoming overwhelming.

4. Establishing a plan “B”: I know it seems like a good idea to establish a plan “B” as a fall back if your original plan doesn’t work, but having an alternative plan suggest to your subconscious that your plan isn’t good enough and that you expect to fail.

5. Assuming you can maintain on autopilot: It is said that it takes 21 days to establish a habit. People often do great the first thirty days of their goals and assume that the habit has taken effect and they can now cruise on autopilot. Don’t let a habit fool you. Yes, you may have established a pretty good routine, but habits are strengthen by time and use and most habits that people seek to replace have been established for far longer than new ones. Turn away for too long and they will rear their ugly head. A successful new habit still requires daily and weekly assessments to ensure they stay on course.

I want to take a look in greater detail at each of these goal killers. In the next five articles I will examine them one at a time and try to identify ways to remove these stones.

New Obligations

One of my goals is to become a professional writer. I will not consider myself one until I able to leave my full time job and support my family from home. Today I took a step towards that goal. I signed a contract with 451press.com that will require me to write 5 posts a week, Monday through Friday, for a year.

I will be writing about step-parenting. I am a bit nervous, as it is a pretty long commitment and it requires very frequent postings. But, the way I see it, if I want to write I need to be committed and I need to have reason to write even on those days when I feel I have nothing to say. I figure that by the time I fulfill my obligations I will have established a pretty consistent habit of writing. And I will have a large portfolio of writing to show for future writing positions.

I am not sure when I will be required to post my first thoughts at 451press.com, but I will certainly update this site when the time comes.

Change of Perspective

Changing perspectives can sometimes bring us back into focus. I have not been contributing to this site regularly and nearly stopped all together. My attitude on personal development has been almost as sporadic. I would describe it more of a back swing of the pendulum. I had been so Gun ho about personal development that it was all I was talking about. I was spending hours and hours reading up on personal development. About a month ago I read Getting Things Done by David Allen and spent the next week trying to adopt it into my life. I created a hipster and went about getting things done. It really worked.

And then it all stopped. Most of my momentum was destroyed by spring break. My routine had been interrupted. I usually wake early in the morning and get my exercise on, then pack eat breakfast, pack the same old lunch and zoom off to work an hour early to do some writing before the students get there. I was doing great, and then the routine fell apart. I stayed up late during spring break and got up late, which meant that I didn't get up for my exercise, which led to a break down of all other positive things I had been doing for myself.

I was having a hard time turning the momentum around once again. Nothing was working. So I stopped altogether. I didn't like feeling guilty so I stopped worrying about it and turned to other concerns. I switched my perspective from myself to my children. One of the problems with not exercising and doing positive things to help yourself along is that you become more stressed. My stepdaughter is really good and escalating that stress to new levels. I was ready to give up on her and go into hiding whenever I was at home. But, before I did that I started reading up on step parenting and found some incentive to try working with her a little more.

I felt better, so I returned to learn more about step parenting. I learned more and more and as I sought new ways to be a better parent I once again realized that I must better myself. So, I started writing again. My alarm is set nice and early. I started a new blog Growing Up With The Kids. And I'm moving again in the right direction.

Lesson Learned

I haven't posted in a while. I actually hadn't planned on doing any more postings. I was spending too much time researching how to blog and trying to promote the blog. I wasn't working on my novel. I wasn't doing much of anything except trying to get the blog up and running. I decided to take a hiatus. Then something else happened. My grandfather died and I got caught up in doing some soul searching about the things that are really important in my life.

My grandfather's funeral had a huge impact on me. I learned that the church the funeral mass was held in was designed by him and the land donated by his father. I grew up in a nearby city, but we always went to that church for Christmas Mass. All the times I had been there I never knew that my grandfather had designed it. If it weren't for my family the church and the attaching school would not be there. I found it strange that no one in my family mentioned this to the grandchildren. Imagine not taking credit for a place given to the people so that they could worship, get baptised, and get married.

I also learned that my grandfather taught celestial navigation. I think of all the times I had gone to my grandfather's cabin in northern Michigan and looked out upon clear night skies and never knew that he could have taught me about the stars.

I had to learn about both of these things by reading the obituary. I wish I had had a chance to learn about them from my grandfather. I observed pictures of his life and witnessed many, many people come to pay their respects. I've been to a few funerals in my time, but I can't recall one as large as this. He must have been an amazing man. I tried remembering all I knew about him. I recall that we grandchildren were always kept in line by being told, "You don't want grandpa getting mad." It was enough to put us in line. Looking back on those days, I honestly can't recall seeing my grandfather angry or hearing him raise his voice. I don't know if any of the grandchildren had any tangible reason to believe that we really didn't want grandpa getting mad, but we all did. He had an air of authority that even the most naive child understood. How? I don't know or I would certainly use it with my students. Maybe its an earned authority you only get after you've raised eight children. Maybe he learned it in the military.

I observed the hole he left in the lives of many people. I may not know much about my grandfather, but I can see the lasting impression he will have and I can recognize a few amazing things.

First, he had eight children. All of them still lived near him and all of them were there for him during the roughest final months. Few families can still stay that close these days, even fewer are so dedicated to each other that they can take as much time from their own lives to see that their father was cared for during his final days. This is as much a testament to him as it is to the solid and loving relationship he maintained for sixty years.

Second, he had such an abundance of grandchildren that all of his pallbearers were grandsons by blood. On top of this he had more grandchildren in attendance. These same grandchildren had gotten together just days before he died to take a picture showing the very large family including great-grandchildren. Nearly sixty people were in the photo, all were lives directly touched by him.

Third, as I said before the church that hosted his funeral mass was designed by him. Long after I am gone from this world people will still worship in the church designed by him. I think most people would consider themselves fortunate if they can touch one life beyond their own. My grandfather has eight children, numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren that will remember him. Someday perhaps those great-children will marry in the church he designed and yet another generation will be in some way touched by his life. How is that for a legacy?

Here is the lesson I learned: a legacy is all that we can leave behind. It is the final testament that we existed and mattered on this earth. Each of us has a purpose in this life, but not everyone of us recognizes that purpose. Those that recognize their purpose and choose to live for that purpose usually leave the longest lasting legacies.

Have you discovered your purpose in life? What will be your legacy?