5 Reasons We Fail to Meet our Goals

Belize once said, “remove the stone and you won’t stumble.” I’ve been thinking about the stones that I keep stumbling over. Each and every time I really get behind an idea and go for it, I somehow get sidetracked and lose my momentum. Why is that? I think I’ve identified some of the main culprits.

1. Unrealistic expectations: Often we expect goals to happen the moment we set them. Or, we expect to instantly expect to be a new person after taking the first step in the right direction.

2. Dependent upon emotion: People are emotional. When a new idea is adoptive it has a strong emotional pull. Especially if the person see the idea as a solution to a problem that was depressing them. I think most people pull themselves out of a holiday funk by making New Year resolutions. But, those decisions are emotional and once the excitement wears off and reality sets in the resolutions are dropped.

3. Overwhelmed by commitment: In an article on goal setting, Steve Pavlina talks about people’s perception of time and how goals that do not immediately reward actions becoming overwhelming.

4. Establishing a plan “B”: I know it seems like a good idea to establish a plan “B” as a fall back if your original plan doesn’t work, but having an alternative plan suggest to your subconscious that your plan isn’t good enough and that you expect to fail.

5. Assuming you can maintain on autopilot: It is said that it takes 21 days to establish a habit. People often do great the first thirty days of their goals and assume that the habit has taken effect and they can now cruise on autopilot. Don’t let a habit fool you. Yes, you may have established a pretty good routine, but habits are strengthen by time and use and most habits that people seek to replace have been established for far longer than new ones. Turn away for too long and they will rear their ugly head. A successful new habit still requires daily and weekly assessments to ensure they stay on course.

I want to take a look in greater detail at each of these goal killers. In the next five articles I will examine them one at a time and try to identify ways to remove these stones.

New Obligations

One of my goals is to become a professional writer. I will not consider myself one until I able to leave my full time job and support my family from home. Today I took a step towards that goal. I signed a contract with 451press.com that will require me to write 5 posts a week, Monday through Friday, for a year.

I will be writing about step-parenting. I am a bit nervous, as it is a pretty long commitment and it requires very frequent postings. But, the way I see it, if I want to write I need to be committed and I need to have reason to write even on those days when I feel I have nothing to say. I figure that by the time I fulfill my obligations I will have established a pretty consistent habit of writing. And I will have a large portfolio of writing to show for future writing positions.

I am not sure when I will be required to post my first thoughts at 451press.com, but I will certainly update this site when the time comes.

Money On My Mind

In my first post I said that I would be creating a financial goal as I am currently living paycheck to paycheck, yet I want to put my kids through college and I want to retire when I am fifty. Phew! I am going to have to be a major turn around.

I hardly no where to begin, but I know that I must begin. I have been doing some research for the last few days on various ways to achieve my goals. I will discuss these later, the first thing I need to do is establish some goals. So here are my goals for the next twelve months:

1. Create and maintain a zero-based budget for 30 days.
2. Evaluate zero-based budget for effectiveness, repeat if it works or try new strategy if it does not.
3. Increase my household income by $1,000 a month within six months.
4. Increase my household income by $3,000 a month within 12 months.
5. Pay off all hospital bills and outstanding bills within six months.
6. Pay off both cars within 12 months.
7. After cars are paid off allocate all money that was allocated to hospital bills and cars and invest in CDs for college savings.
8. Research effective saving and investment strategies and become familiar with retirement programs.

Now, to achieve these goals I have to create additional income. How am I going to do this? I took an idea from Steve Pavlina, you are looking at it. My blog. (Check out "How to make money from your blog.")I intend to give anyone interested in going through their own renaissance a look into my world as I experiment with the tools and suggestions from pd experts and enthusiasts. I intend to give the reader an honest account of my experience. And provide insight into why I found success or failure. It is my hope that people will appreciate and learn from my suggestions and hopefully I can establish some on-line relationships with others interested into transforming theirs lives.

For those interested in seeing people better themselves I ask for your help. Offer the occasional world of encouragement, send me links to ideas you think might be effective or that I ought to try, and help spread this blog. The bigger this grows the more time I will have to try new 30-day trials.

Speaking of 30-day trials. Last night my started creating a zero-based budget and are going to implement it starting April 1st. We ran out of time before 10:00 and we were getting a bit frustrated, so we decided to stick with the suggestions we found at "Getting Finances Done." If anyone is looking to start their own budget with their spouse I recommend reading, "3 keys to making your personal fiances work as a couple." We plan to finish it tonight and then I will make sure to update you throughout the month of April on how it goes.

On Becoming Less Of A Man: Bigger Is Not Always Better

I could give you any number of excuses as to why I'm overweight. I am big boned. My metabolism is slow. I've always been heavy. Should I go on?

The truth is: I consume more calories than my body burns. I've been doing so for thirty years. As a result, I fit in that category of people the doctor's label "obese". Not a label I ever desired to have, but there it is. I've been denying this label for years. The only time I look in the mirror is to shave. I only see my face, it makes it easier to overlook those pounds that continue to build. I avoid camera's-at least I try. Since the birth of my son, it has become much more difficult to stay out of pictures. When I saw the first of those pictures I was utterly amazed at how big I have become. I have had the exact opposite condition of an anorexic. My image of myself is much thinner than reality. How many of you experience this?

My health is going down hill and it is gaining speed. I have headaches almost every day. I experience back pain. I have leg cramps. I have sleep apnea, which requires that I sleep using a CPAP. I get light headed and go numb in the arm. Because of these problems, I have started experiencing anxiety attacks. I had a medical exam to see if I have heart problems, I don't, but it doesn't stop the attacks. I have prescriptions for Xanax and Ativan. At one point I was taking Ativan three times a day every day. I was experiencing anxiety attacks so much that I began taking the medicine before the attacks because just the fear of experiencing one triggered attacks. My doctor's switched me to Xanax, shortly after that. I hated the thought of taking these kinds of medications, but I couldn't function without them. So, I started researching anxiety. I needed a way to control it without medicine. I am certain that the major cause of my anxiety is my poor health. I decided to take control. How? Exercise.

Last November I came across an article by Steve Pavlina called "30 Days to success." It suggests giving any goal you want to achieve a 30 day trial. I recommend checking out the link. In my opinion this is the single most powerful personal growth tool I have come across. It is the most suggestive of action. Most tools require sitting still, visualizing what you want, writing goals. This one is simple. You pick one action you want to do and then you do it for thirty days.

I decided that I would exercise for thirty minutes a day on my exercise bike. I wasn't going to worry about if I'm doing the right exercises, if I ought to be taking breaks or doing more. I was simply going to do it. On the second day of my 30 day trial I realized that I had gone a full day without taking any anxiety pills. So, I made this a second challenge. For thirty days, I came home, hugged my son, kissed my wife, then disappeared for 30 minutes and rode the bike. For thirty days, I didn't take the anxiety pills. By the sixth day, I noticed that my anxiety attacks were mild and minimal (More on controlling anxiety in another post.) The result of the 30-day trial, was a resounding success. I lost weight (too much,too quickly), felt better, and controlled my anxiety without medication. Then came Christmas.

I moved houses between Christmas and New Year's. I moved almost every item from one house to the other with no other assistance than a dolly. I wound up hurting my back. I stopped exercising. The benefits of my 30-days actually carried me through all of January and most of February. But, late in February I started experiencing much stronger anxiety attacks and had to return to the medicine. I also put on the weight I was so quickly losing.

At the beginning of March I decided to revisit a 30-day trial on exercise just to get me moving again. My back is still sore, I have to be careful, but I am moving every day and I haven't needed my anxiety medicine for about two weeks.

What have I learned?
First, the 30-day trial is an effective method of launching a goal. If you find it a trial is working for you, commit to another 30 days before you the first trial is over. Second, Exercise has almost immediate rewards. I began to feel better within three days on both occasions that I started the 30-day trial. Third, medicine is not the only way to cope with anxiety? Fourth, as I lose weight I become more effective. Therefore, my health is going to be my primary goal for the next year.(More on why it's important to identify a primary goal in another post)

Less=More
I have seen that as I lose weight I become more functional. When there is less of me to carry around,there is more energy in reserve. When there is less anxiety, there is more adventure, more of a willingness to try new activities. In other words, less does equal more.

My plan to make less out of a big man.
I have three long term goals, due date March 21st, 2008:
1. I want to weigh under 180 pounds.
2. I want to be able to run a 10k without stopping. I will prove this by signing up for a 10k that is nearest to this date.
3. I want to be able to sleep without my CPAP. I will sign up for a sleep study to confirm this around the 21st.
4. Establish and maintain a healthful dietary lifestyle, including the consumption of fish 3x's a week. (I have not yet learned to enjoy the taste of seafood)

My mid term goals--to be measured the 21st of each month:
1. Lose 8 pounds per month
2. Increase my ability to run non-stop by 1 kilometer per month.
3. Compare my weight and level of activity to the number of calories required and adjust my menu accordingly. Replacing one non-seafood meal for a seafood meal each month. Until I am eating three seafood meals a week.

My short term goals:My first 30-day trial.
1. Exercise a minimum of 50 minutes per day.
2. Consume less than 3800 calories per day.
3. Eat one seafood meal per week.

I have made many mistakes when it comes to my health. I have been completely negligent,drinking, smoking, over eating. These are obvious pitfalls to avoid. But, what is more dangerous for me are the less obvious pitfalls. I have made the mistake of overexercising and under eating. I have lost weight quickly and gotten sick or injured. This time I am forcing myself to go much slower than I want.

I am currently about 15 days into my first 30-day trial. Here is what I am working on:

My exercise consists of 20 to 30 minutes on a recumbent bicycle first thing in the morning. I will start jogging/walking in the mornings once the temperatures are consistently above freezing. I also walk for a half-hour during my lunch.

I want to make eating a no-brainer. I don't have time to calculate calories each day. So, for breakfast I eat the same thing every morning, a bowl of oatmeal and an egg and cheese muffin (600 calories). I then eat every two hours, either a fruit, a granola bar or one of those self-packaged bowls of soup. By the time I am ready for dinner I have consumed about 1600 calories. This leaves about 2200 calories that I could consume for dinner. This is plenty to spare for just about any sensible meal.

I was just going to judge my success by how my pants fit, but reporting numbers is a little more objective. So, my weight as of 3/23/07 is 275 pounds. I will weigh in next Thursday to see if I have lost two pounds.

Please join me over the next year. Learn from my mistakes and my success. If you wish to join me in a program of your own, or want to lend me your support drop me a a line at jonathanpippenger@gmail.com